www.jeffthefish.com

I would eat a tomato sandwich, but I would never sand a tomato eatwich (I’m gay).

Ken “Wackaloon” Ham of Answers in Genesis has just found confirmation that evolution is a religion, and not a scientifically tenable theory:

We have predicted for some time that evolutionists will treat this next year like a religious festival with a fervor for supporting Darwin as never seen before. We are now already starting to see organized Darwin events. Some groups even call for a global Darwin holiday. It is as if they are treating Darwin as a “god” and worshiping at the altar of evolution.

So what are the evolutionists planning? According to Monday’s New York Times:

Nine academic, scientific and cultural institutions around the city are holding a Year of Evolution, a series of exhibitions, seminars and lectures to celebrate the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin next February, and the 150th anniversary of the publication of his seminal work, “The Origin of Species.”

Wait what? It sounds to me like they’re trying to use the anniversary of the birth of an important person in the history of science as an opportunity to educate the public on his theories. Seriously, what is wrong with this wackaloon? How is that religious fervor? If Ken thinks that this is religious fervor, then what celebration of historical figures is NOT religious fervor?

It’s easy to see how stupid Ken is being if we just replace the concept of evolution with something almost no one opposes, like civil rights:

We have predicted for some time that civil rights leaders will treat this next year like a religious festival with a fervor for supporting Martin Luther King as never seen before. We are now already starting to see organized King events. Some groups even call for a global King holiday. It is as if they are treating King as a “god” and worshiping at the altar of civil rights.

Well hell’s bells, that shar duz soun stoopid, y’awl.

Just one more example that creationists see exactly what they want to see.

One of my favorite things is to find horrible reviews on the Internet. Before I go to a new restaurant I check the reviews on Yelp. I pass up the four and five star reviews in the hopes of finding rare jewels such as, “Restaurant was too far from my house. One star.” or “Takoyaki (Japanese pancakes*) didn’t taste anything like pancakes. One star.”

I do the same thing for books. Before I buy a book about science, I check for reviews from creationists. Here too there is no shortage of gems for the dedicated digger, such as the guy who called The Plausibility of Life “one last attempt to save a dying theory” and observed that if the book “were a political persuasion it would vote ‘moderate’” in the ironically insane way that only creationists can.

But none of that prepared me for this.

Amazon sent me an email with book recommendations today, one of which was a book called Reading the Rocks: The Autobiography of Earth. As the title implies, the book is about how we can determine Earth’s history via geology, a topic ripe for creationist hilarity.

Welp, that didn’t happen. Here is the review that made me shudder:

Build Your Mansion On A Rock.
Basically, you might find rocks and waterfalls as the backbone of this ‘granite planet,’ from the Appalachians to the caverns out West, like that big one, Grand Canyon in Arizona. From shale, sandstone, the volcanic rock in Hawaii, “the rocky middle layer of the Earth’s mantle, constitutes more than eighty percent of the planet’s volume.”

The whole mountainside in Peru, Machu Picchu is made up of rock, while England has those huge slabs called Stonehege; Easter Island is only twelve miles long and has those giant carved statues (hundreds of them, some lying untouched weathered over centuries. There were volcanoes there, also, as America had Mt. St. Helens and Old Faithful. In Knoxville, we had pink marble quarries from which many government office buildings in Washington, D.C. and here in town were built. The black marble is in the hills west of here.

Niagra Falls has the monolith rocks for the water fall over, as many waterfalls in the Western states where Lewis and Clark mapped out that part of the continent. Below ground we have the caves, as they do in Spain, and caverns like Luray in Virginia and Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. Lookout Mountain is made up of many rocks of all sizes, a maze only a skinny person like myself can get through at times. Harper’s Ferry, West Virginia, is built on a hillside of rock. At Cumberland Gap, a controversial tunnel was built under a mountain through the rock; it is fun to traverse, more so than that one under the ocean as you ride into Norfolk, Virginia.

As a Norwegian geologist who teaches in Wisconsin, she uses the rocks as background for tracing the planets, her own political views on America, and sources of fun places to take her children. “Rocks may even cause us to rediscover thoughtful discourse about complex environmental issues and to instill in children an appetite for understanding deep origins and histories.” Touche.

What??? The book is not even mentioned, unless those quotes are from the book, an assumption I don’t feel safe making. This person has over 1500 reviews! It’s weird.  And the ending is ominous and creepy.

And this post is boring.

*That one’s funny because takoyaki are NOT the Japanese equivalent of pancakes. Not even close.

Dear Folks,

It is my pleasure to present you with the strangest thing I’ve ever seen:  Lil Markie!

Not much is known about Lil Markie.  Apparently, this grown man does the voice of a child for some Christian radio program.  For more Markie media, click here. Now you too can host your own Markie Party!

I have stumbled upon a veritable goldmine of antilogic!  Not that anyone would actually want to, but here’s a person who has posted a whole bunch of Kent Hovind’s “educational” videos in which he attempts to show that evolution is stupid. There’s also a bunch of Way Of The Master stuff, if you’re feeling particularly self-loathing.

Kent Hovind with two fatties

Get ready for a disappointing video. I believe the harbor seal in the foreground is named Barney. Maybe it’s Q. I keep forgetting who’s who, but either way, a chub-chub sealio is getting his cheekies pettled! Please keep in mind that a seal is basically a sausage with a puppy’s face.

BTW I work there.

This morning, Kambrie and Geoff noticed that my manly beard contained two gorgeous curls that turned me cute:

How do you feel about that?

Dear reader, do you have a faith problem?

Are you worried that you have TOO MUCH faith?

Is faith an obstacle that’s keeping you from getting ahead in life?

Friends, what you need is this wonderful website called Overcoming Faith.  It will show you the way to rid yourself of faith forever, and live your life based on logic and evidence.  At least, that’s what I gather from the url.

I haven’t gotten very far into this video, so I don’t have any comments on the video itself yet, but I would like to point out a couple of items..

The description on the YouTube page reads:

hovind takes three different evolutionist at the same time from different fields so they can not use the “that is not in my field” excuses this time.

WTF??? That’s not an excuse, that’s good judgment! To illustrate this point, I have written a short play:

Patient: Why are you referring me to an OB/GYN? Are you stupid?
Doctor: Well, no, but I’m an optometrist…OB/GYN is really not my field…
Patient: Stop with the excuses!

Also, take a look at the perverted mouse tit stupidity in the comments:

Gravity is proven. That’s why it was considered a theory when first thought up, but is now considered a law.

Science is MEANT to prove things! It is defined as things we can prove by observing, studying, testing and repeating. It is therefore entirely possible for a theory to be proven.

The theory of evolution teaches that the first life came from a rock. By wording it similarly to Hovind, I do nothing to show that I have no mind of my own.
And no, speciation has never been observed.

O Holy Eff.