www.jeffthefish.com

The following quotes, collected from real live Creationists, pretty much speak for themselves. Some might be funnier in their original context, so just click the source link following each quote. If you need help understanding why they’re funny, let me know. And I’m not doing this specifically to ridicule anyone or be mean. I just want to point out how these people are giving Christianity a bad name and making the world a worse place.

It’s said that man and dinosaurs didn’t live at the same time, well what do we call the Mammoth? Isn’t it called a dinosaur? [Source]

What does evolution teach? It all started in some primeval soup, that’s where life began and evolved from there, is that not correct? If you so no then your a liar or don’t know what your talking about. And I want to thank you for showing that evolution is incorrect by saying “There’s tons of historical research and genetic history that proves that Mammals and Reptiles are two expressively different breeds” .because if everything started at one point in time and everything evolved from that point then how can you get very specific different spices sense all life started as one single organism until it came upon land and evolved from there? So thanks for proving my point, because that couldn’t happen. [Source]

…I suppose you are one of the people who thinks seperation of church and state is written in the constitution. I suppose you also believe some freakin atom exploding magically into a large complex universe, with various life forms, explains the creation of the world. If you do then gues what buddy you believe in God, because call it what you like, that atom was the force which created all of this. It is disgraceful that there are people in this country who do not believe in God, after all it is written “One Nation Under God” right in our pledge….[Source]

To all the agnostiests…YOU HAVE NOTHING!…you have NO facts and no PROOF of evolution as you such claim…every new species we find is always found deep in the ocean or on a remote island - how come we find NO new species in DOWNTOWN DETROIT??? [Source]

Sometimes I wish I could come along with a big ole bucket of common sense and pour it over the world’s evolutionists. [Source]

So if ID evolved from creationism, what’s your beef? Isn’t that the way evolution is supposed to work? [Source]

I just amazes me that people would fight to the death to be able to claim that their ancestry came from a monkey. Why would anyone want to believe such unproven theory? Do you guys really hate God so much that you would rather believe you came from a monkey than admit He created you? That’s really hard for me to believe and very sad. What’s worse is when you go back further than the monkey…everything came out of slim. So is that how much you are worth….are you worth only slim? God says you were made in His image which would make you worth much! [Source]

If Evolution were true, 1. no one could argue, and 2. no one could be right or wrong if arguing. Weeds growing in the yard don’t argue. [Source]

you said “Also, you’re quite wrong about if evolution is true nobody could argue: Relativity is true, and yet plenty of peple argued about it, and still do to this day. There are a few “anti-Relativity” kooks out there, believe me.”

So why should I even listen to anything you say if all is relative? Are you truly consistent in believing that everything is relative? Then is saying “everything is relative” itself a relative statement, therefore there can be absolute truths? Wow…[Source]

The following quotes, collected from real live Creationists, pretty much speak for themselves. Some might be funnier in their original context, so just click the source link following each quote. If you need help understanding why they’re funny, let me know. And I’m not doing this specifically to ridicule anyone or be mean. I just want to point out how these people are giving Christianity a bad name and making the world a worse place.

I have also read the technical literature. Huge leaps and assumptions are made by people who interpret the data. Are you telling me that in your own research you have made cats out of the genetic DNA for dogs or something similar to this? Because that is the whole theory. [Source]

I’m certainly not against intellectual reason. But to try and reason scientifically with someone who discounts the Bible is FUTILE! [Source]

To all the atheists that continue to try to dazzle everyone with your big fancy words…Blah, Blah, Blah!! [Source]

if what ya’ll say is true, then everything is related to oranges. this spontaneous boom of everything without a creator… pretty stupid. let me ask something… if God can’t always have existed, then neither could energy. [Source]

Think about this, Paul (and all you other atheists): eggs are the only way that chickens reproduce. Tell me: how many chickens would you have to have at first in order to make enough mistakes figuring out how to get to eggs–not to mention eggs that work–in order for the species to survive? And how did they get there? [Source]

Of all the atheists I’ve debated with, they’ve always given me reasons not to believe in God, but never once have I been given a valid reason to not believe in God. I’m *still* waiting for a logical answer to the question “which came first, the chicken or the egg?”. I know that’s an age old question but I’ve not yet received an answer that makes sense and that doesn’t in some way misdirect or try to avoid the question. [Source]

So until recently we haven’t been able to figure out why bees fly you guys claim to know how life came it’s current state over the last 4.6 billion years. [Source]

Our friends, the evolutionists can’t identify this reptile/fish thing they say they’ve found. It’s probably one or the other or something like the platypus God designed to help our fleshbound scientists make fools of themselves. [Source]

God is not mocked; the Tiktaalik rosea doesn’t surprise Him. Only a very few thousand years ago, He created the thing some scientists date at three-hundred and seventy-five million years. What a nice ballpark number, rounded to the nearest five million years! [Source]

Don’t forget to check out the other editions of Hilarious Creationist Quotes:

Hilarious Creationist Quotes
Hilarious Creationist Quotes Part II
Hilarious Creationist Quotes Part III
Hilarious Creationist Quotes: The Movie

This was posted on Pharyngula:

Edit: the guy’s name is Dallas Ellis, and here is the website of the church he pastors (you knew he was a pastor from the moment he opened his mouth, didn’t you?). I’m going to subscribe to his podcast, because I am a masochist.

And check out this guy’s response:

I really wanna hang out with that guy now.

I can’t believe how quickly these keep rolling in! It was only two weeks ago that I published the last edition of HCQ. If you’ve found any funny Creationist quotes, send them to me!

If the origins of life all did happen by random mutation, he questioned, where does the laws that make the universe possible to function – the law of gravity, the law of thermodaynamics, laws of motion – all come from? [Source]

If a finch gave birth to a elephant, then you would have evidence for evolution. Yet when finches stay finches, bacteria stay bacteria, adaptations are no proof EVOLUTION. How ignorant is the argument of evolutionists I have often heard - offensive lineman, look how big they are! As if a bigger human proves a human once was a moose, it does not! [Source]

The Cambrian Explosion shows virtually all creatures that exist today existed at the very start of creation consistent with the Genesis record. [Source]

Yeah, and I recall when it was proven Bumble Bee’s couldn’t fly. [Source]

You people are all very ignerant. If evlution is true then why arent their more transisional fossils and why are their so many gaps in the fossil record? You can make fun of us all you want but you can’t explain how we got here from rocks. [Source]

Hey now that monkey could be my great great great great great times 1billion to the second power uncle your talking about. Don’t make me get a lawyer. Thats what atheists expect us to believe than they insult our intellegence? hmmmmmmmmm [Source]

It is so sad that millions of dollars are being spent on researching the universe, but the underlying philosophy is often that scientists want to find answers to how life arose…[Source]

There on many books in favor of creation. Different books concentrate on different aspects of the creation/evolution debate. [Source]

Since the Flood was a marine catastrophe, we would expect marine fossils to be dominant in the fossil record. And that is the case. [Source]

The amount of actual Scientific Fact that is in The Bible is staggering.
Such as the dimensions of the Ark. Scientists proved that this boat was almost impossible to capsize, due to its size and shape. They didn’t have the technology back then to actually work this out! [Source]

We praise the Lord this person found a “missing link”—the link to the museum’s website! [Source]

It is the evolutionists/athiests who used the words RANDOM and CHANCE when describing their theories. It is funny how the evolutionists use these words to describe the process of their theories but when a christian uses these words to describe the same things then we are accussed of “ignorance” on the theory. I think that is because when you hear what you believe in from the mouth of another you realize what an absurdity it is and your pride then kicks in and you accuse others of ignorance rather than examining yourself. [Source]

Democritus was born in 460 BC. How did he see atoms so long before Galileo developed the first reliable microscope in 1609 (2,000 years later), and before the advent of the electron microscope in the 1930’s? Also, why to you believe everything you read in history books, and doubt anything written in the Bible? [Source]

…why are the scientific elite so forcefully pushing this one fossil, especially when it so poorly documents the evolution of the key aspect of the transition of fish into land-animals: the transformation of fins to feet? [Source]

Ironically enough, the “members” of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (known as “Pastafarians”), in addition to mocking God himself, are lampooning the Intelligent Design Movement for not identifying a specific deity—that is, leaving open the possibility that a spaghetti monster could be the intelligent designer. [Source]

Christians don’t hide evolution from their children (or shouldn’t)–even in AiG resources we explain what evolutionists believe, but then teach why they are wrong. [Source]

I’ve been collecting these for the past couple of months. They pretty much speak for themselves. Some might be funnier in their original context, so just click the source link following each quote. If you need help understanding why they’re funny, let me know. And I’m not doing this specifically to ridicule anyone or be mean. I just want to point out how these people are giving Christianity a bad name and making the world a worse place.

Andrewsarchus is a terrifying wolf–like creature, with a large head and fierce teeth. All these details from one skull! (Source)

‘If adults want to believe in a 6,000-year-old Earth, that dinosaurs and humans lived together in harmony (all dinosaurs were vegetarians, you see) and that Noah saved all of the Earth’s animal species by placing them on his ark, then they have the right to do so.’

He needs to read the Bible. Noah did not save “all of the Earth’s animals species.” God sent TO Noah representatives of each LAND ANIMAL KIND. When one sees such incorrect information in a piece by a scientist, one has to worry whether the same lack of attention to accuracy is exhibited in his own research, or the research he supervises! (Source)

Other famous living fossils include the tuatara (supposedly extinct since the Cretaceous Period until found still living in New Zealand), the Lepidocaris crustacean (only found as fossils in Devonian rocks), the Metasequoia conifer tree (thought extinct for the past 20 million years), the Neopilina mollusk (supposedly extinct for 280 million years), the lingula brachiopod (”extinct” since the Ordovician), and even the trilobite (chief index fossil of the even more ancient Cambrian Period).^(Source)

Understanding what advocates of intelligent design are saying is a necessary prelude to a thoughtful critique, which Mr. Johnson has not yet offered. (Source)

As I looked at this beautiful event, I thought of those that often ask me why God created the sun on the fourth day of Creation. When I answer this, I say something like, “God knew that humans in their sinful state would want to worship the sun (remember the warnings to the Israelites not to worship the sun like the pagans) instead of worshipping the God who made the sun. So God made the earth first, and plant life, before he made the sun—the sun is his tool. Also, God knew that in the 20th and 21st centuries, sinful man would propose ideas like the BIG BANG that teach people the sun came BEFORE the earth—but God created the earth before the sun. (Source)

I’ve had a lot of stuff crammed down my throat that didn’t go down to [sic] well. It seems like the critics of Christiianity [sic] like to beat we [sic] Christians up and say we are not literate in science and technology. (Source)

Although a dog could possibly mate with a cat, science knows that it is not possible for conception to occur. So I am at a loss as to how we have so many different species. (Source)

Yet none of these curious fish are considered by evolutionists to be ancestors of tetrapods—they are simply interesting and specialized fish. In fact there are even “flying fish” (with specialized fins that permit them to fly or glide in the air for hundreds of yards over water), but evolutionists have never considered them to be ancestors of birds. (Source)

It doesn’t take a “Rocket Scientist” to figure out that if we, as humans, evolved from monkeys . . . THEN WHY? . . . Are there STILL Monkeys??? We were “Created” by God!!! Pull up AOL now and you’ll notice the Gov. of Georgia praying for rain, (No Doubt to GOD). When 9/11 happened what did every good neighbor do? PRAY. Not to monkeys . . . To our “Creator”!!! It shouldn’t take tragic and desperate circumstances for people to realize this fact!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! In GOD We Trust!!! (Source)