www.jeffthefish.com

1. That Dr. Grant would suddenly jump out of a moving vehicle
2. Put your junk in that box
3. Profit!

I almost missed the fact that today is August 29.

Four years ago today, my city was destroyed. For the first time in my life I was living in New Orleans proper. I had just moved to the mid-city neighborhood three weeks before Hurricane Katrina. One day I went to work, the next day I spent 16 hours in a cramped minivan with a toddler, three other adults, a rat, and a cat. Jennifer and I had three days’ worth of clothes, our laptop, and our important documents.

I never went back to that job, and I never spent another night in that house. For two weeks I was effectively homeless. Strangers invited us to live with them in Seattle.

It was without a doubt the biggest thing I’ve ever been involved in. It ruined millions of lives, but it made mine. I am at home here. Thank you all.

Billy The Kid was killed by a lawman named Pat Garrett. Pat Garrett was killed by a rancher named Jessey Wayne Brazel. Jesse Wayne Brazel had a nephew name of Mac Brazel. Mac Brazel claimed that he’d found a debris field on his property from the UFO that allegedly crashed in Roswell in 1947.

I own a horseshoe I personally took from the ranch house located on that very property.

Here’s why this is interesting:

1. Pontiac is, of course, a make of vehicle produced by General Motors.
2. GM is, of course, based in Detroit.
3. I happened upon this article by searching for “Detroit Pontiac” because that’s the kind of thing I do for a paycheck.

On Saturday I called Geoff to ask for Geli’s phone number, which I wrote down on an Equal Exchange Espresso business card. I was going to a party at her house and realized that I’d left home without jotting down her address. It turned out i didn’t need to call her, because I ended up remembering how to get to her place.

Later that evening, we were all sitting around the campfire in Geli’s backyard and I was wishing I had something to burn when I remembered the card in my shirt pocket. That was not a very good sentence, I guess. I took the card with Geli’s number on it out of my pocket and held it in my hands for a few moments during which time, coincidentally, Geli mentioned that she’d forgotten her cell phone at home on a recent roadtrip to the Peninsula.

“I thought you were just avoiding me!” I said to Geli.

“You didn’t try to call me. You don’t even have my phone number.”

“Is it (555) 555-5555?”

“…OK now I’m really creeped out.”

Anyway, that’s not all that funny, but I like Geli.

I’ve always been a kind of nervous and insecure kid, though I don’t know how often it shows externally. To help me deal with this, I always have some kind of movie playing in the background of my mind that comes to the forefront when I get agitated or scared or nervous. I’ve done this at least as far back as junior high. Back then, if I found myself in an awkward social situation, or remembered something dumb I’d said, or thought about how I’d never have a girlfriend, a movie of me playing the song “Katie”, which I wrote with my band at the time, would play in my head and I’d feel better.

The movie has changed a few times, but that’s all that’s changed. As I aged and joined other bands, the song would change. Then I discovered Spider-Man, and the movie changed to me jumping off of a building and swinging from a web. Then Batman Begins came out, and the movie changed to me jumping off of a building and hang gliding on my cape.

This morning I realized that it’s changed again. Now when I find myself in an awkward social situation, or remember something dumb I’ve said, or think about how I’ll never have a girlfriend, I imagine myself playing a monome:

“Brent Spiner revealed this week that he may appear in the next Star Trek: The Next Generation movie, but when he said he didn’t want to act, he left many fans scratching their heads. Turns out Spiner has been secretly working with JJ Abrams and the effects team to reprise his signature role … without lifting a finger. ‘I made it very clear that I have aged too much to play Data anymore,’ says Spiner. ‘I said that I would be willing to be in the movie if they get the technology together, and so they are working on that right now.’ A body-cast mold of Spiner, created for a special effects shot in the third season of The Next Generation, provided the basis for a digital-effects version of his famous character so the figure can appear in the movie as a living, breathing actor. ‘I think it’s cool to continue on with the franchise,’ adds Spiner, who will provide the voice of Commander Data.”

From aintitcoolnews.com.

52% of the people who listen to Todd Friel’s Wretched Radio show don’t think so. Just thought you might like to know.

There are other interesting results on there, too. Of course, I don’t think anyone should watch American Idol.

My dear friend Taisha is brilliant! This weekend she made a Ray Comfort tampon holder out of felt! What could be more appropriate?

And what’s more, you can buy this lovely piece of functional art, and the proceeds get donated to a good cause! High five!

Hey guys, look at this. Check out the second section, “Errors and Contradictions in the Bible?” They’re upset about a new book by Bart Ehrman that deals with contradictions in the gospels, and they link to Ehrman’s interview on The Colbert Report, saying that “even a goofy interviewer can see through the ridiculous arguments of this author.”

Yeah. I think it’s just this side of possible that they don’t get Colbert.

AiG was also kind enough to include a response to Erhman’s book by one of their employees:

God laughs at the attacks on His Word and character (Psa. 2), but He takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but desires that they repent (Ezek. 18:30-32). Jesus still says to His Father, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” as He says to sinners, “repent or you too will likewise perish.”

May we all rejoice this weekend again in the wonder of the Cross and Resurrection of Jesus, the Messiah, which the four Gospels collectively give us a beautifully complementary and perfectly accurate and description of, so that by faith we might know the mercy and grace of God in the forgiveness of our sins and might be motivated once again to share that good news with others who are still lost in sin.

Dude, it takes you two paragraphs to say “OH YEAH?????”? You might be stupid. Just throwing that out there.