www.jeffthefish.com

The following quotes, collected from real live Creationists, pretty much speak for themselves. Some might be funnier in their original context, so just click the source link following each quote. If you need help understanding why they’re funny, let me know. And I’m not doing this specifically to ridicule anyone or be mean. I just want to point out how these people are giving Christianity a bad name and making the world a worse place.

I have also read the technical literature. Huge leaps and assumptions are made by people who interpret the data. Are you telling me that in your own research you have made cats out of the genetic DNA for dogs or something similar to this? Because that is the whole theory. [Source]

I’m certainly not against intellectual reason. But to try and reason scientifically with someone who discounts the Bible is FUTILE! [Source]

To all the atheists that continue to try to dazzle everyone with your big fancy words…Blah, Blah, Blah!! [Source]

if what ya’ll say is true, then everything is related to oranges. this spontaneous boom of everything without a creator… pretty stupid. let me ask something… if God can’t always have existed, then neither could energy. [Source]

Think about this, Paul (and all you other atheists): eggs are the only way that chickens reproduce. Tell me: how many chickens would you have to have at first in order to make enough mistakes figuring out how to get to eggs–not to mention eggs that work–in order for the species to survive? And how did they get there? [Source]

Of all the atheists I’ve debated with, they’ve always given me reasons not to believe in God, but never once have I been given a valid reason to not believe in God. I’m *still* waiting for a logical answer to the question “which came first, the chicken or the egg?”. I know that’s an age old question but I’ve not yet received an answer that makes sense and that doesn’t in some way misdirect or try to avoid the question. [Source]

So until recently we haven’t been able to figure out why bees fly you guys claim to know how life came it’s current state over the last 4.6 billion years. [Source]

Our friends, the evolutionists can’t identify this reptile/fish thing they say they’ve found. It’s probably one or the other or something like the platypus God designed to help our fleshbound scientists make fools of themselves. [Source]

God is not mocked; the Tiktaalik rosea doesn’t surprise Him. Only a very few thousand years ago, He created the thing some scientists date at three-hundred and seventy-five million years. What a nice ballpark number, rounded to the nearest five million years! [Source]

Don’t forget to check out the other editions of Hilarious Creationist Quotes:

Hilarious Creationist Quotes
Hilarious Creationist Quotes Part II
Hilarious Creationist Quotes Part III
Hilarious Creationist Quotes: The Movie

On Sunday I went to Dragon Fish & Pets in White Center and traded in this guy:

For this guy:

Yes, you heard me correctly.  I traded my electric catfish, Malepterurus electricus, for a South American lungfish, Lepidosiren paradoxa.  When I bought him I actually thought he was an African lungfish.  L. paradoxa grows to four feet, which I didn’t realize until the next day.

I’ve named him Steven, and I love him very much. One of the cool things about lungfish is that they are more closely related to humans than to most other fish! Both humans and lungfish share a common ancestor with the animal whose lineage gave rise to tetrapods, and that common ancestor is more recent than the lungfish’s common ancestor with ray-finned fishes. When they were first discovered, it was unclear whether they were a fish or a reptile!

Look, the point is, I love Steven, and so do you!

I’m really sorry I’ve been writing so many ranty anti-Creationist things lately. This website is supposed to be funny and lighthearted, but COME ON! These people are asking for it!!

I just sent this email to Answers in Genesis:

This regards Ken Ham’s recent blog entry entitled “Musuem [sic] Opens Eyes to Need for Christ“, specifically the letter from a concerned parent in the second half of this post.

This has to be the most ignorant thing I’ve read on this website in a long time, and I have read many ignorant things on this website. This parent actually believes the lies you are perpetrating about the racist implications of Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. To say that his theory encourages racism, and that the concept of races “persists today…at the highest and most respected levels of the evolutionary scientific establishment” is ridiculous. Don’t you people know that genetic evidence (you know, from science? oh, right.) shows that there is no genetic basis for race?

I guess I should congratulate your organization for so successfully infiltrating logic, but it still bothers me that you’re ruining society and Christianity.

Jason J Brunet
“Compromised” Christian
www.jeffthefish.com

The jokes write themselves.

On a more infuriating note, check out the third photo, the first one showing Ken Ham and Bello.  Notice that on the left you can see an aquarium, with what appears to be a Florida gar and a Firemouth Cichlid inside.  THIS CANNOT BE TOLERATED.  It’s bad enough to defile dinosaurs by putting them in the Creation Museum.  They’ve been dead for 65 million years.  But gars and cichlids are alive today!  This is so offensive!  I wonder what else is in that tank.

This morning I read on Ugly Overload about a new species of tiny salamander recently discovered in Costa Rica.  At only one inch long, surely,  I thought to myself, this must be the smallest tetrapod (four limbed vertebrate [this includes whales and birds]) in the world!

This led me on a brief internet search to find out  if I was right.  Turns out, there are several species of frog that are even teenier!!! The smallest tetrapod in the world is the Brazilian Gold Frog, Brachycephalus didactylus [wiki], only 9.8mm long!

Now you know, etc.

It’s true. Ken Ham rapes piglets.  I read it on the internet, so it must be true.  Now, Creationists will tell you that this is a lie made up by God hating Darwinists, but all you have to do is read the full title of Ken’s blog:  Around The World With AiG’s Ken Ham.  It could not be any clearer that this man violates innocent baby pigs.

It’s sad really.  Although piglet-raping did not begin with Ken Ham, Ham has done more than any person to popularize it.

I saw this license plate thing the other day in the Wal-Mart parking lot:

What a dumb thing to put on a Creationist license plate thing. I think license plate things and bumper stickers, etc., are almost all dumb no matter what they say, but this one wins the Willful Ignorance Award. It’s hilarious that it has the little upside down Darwin fish at the bottom. I guess that was the final death blow to the theory of evolution AM I RIGHT PEOPLE!!

Except fish do walk.

Now I know Creationists aren’t famous for doing their homework, but come on. It’s a walking catfish. It walks. It’s a fish. Science wins.

And that’s just one example of a fish that walks. So if you’re going to make a Creationist bumper sticker or license plate thing, make one that gives a valid criticism of evolution. Oh wait, right.

The Creationist coffin is running out of room for nails.

I can’t believe how quickly these keep rolling in! It was only two weeks ago that I published the last edition of HCQ. If you’ve found any funny Creationist quotes, send them to me!

If the origins of life all did happen by random mutation, he questioned, where does the laws that make the universe possible to function – the law of gravity, the law of thermodaynamics, laws of motion – all come from? [Source]

If a finch gave birth to a elephant, then you would have evidence for evolution. Yet when finches stay finches, bacteria stay bacteria, adaptations are no proof EVOLUTION. How ignorant is the argument of evolutionists I have often heard - offensive lineman, look how big they are! As if a bigger human proves a human once was a moose, it does not! [Source]

The Cambrian Explosion shows virtually all creatures that exist today existed at the very start of creation consistent with the Genesis record. [Source]

Yeah, and I recall when it was proven Bumble Bee’s couldn’t fly. [Source]

You people are all very ignerant. If evlution is true then why arent their more transisional fossils and why are their so many gaps in the fossil record? You can make fun of us all you want but you can’t explain how we got here from rocks. [Source]

Hey now that monkey could be my great great great great great times 1billion to the second power uncle your talking about. Don’t make me get a lawyer. Thats what atheists expect us to believe than they insult our intellegence? hmmmmmmmmm [Source]

It is so sad that millions of dollars are being spent on researching the universe, but the underlying philosophy is often that scientists want to find answers to how life arose…[Source]

There on many books in favor of creation. Different books concentrate on different aspects of the creation/evolution debate. [Source]

The building below, located in Mexico, is owned by friends of Ken “Willful Ignorance” Ham, and according to his website it was built to be “approximately the length and height of Noah’s Ark. It is twice the width of the Ark.”

Now why would they have to build it twice the width of Noah’s Ark? Maybe because a space the size of the Ark is too small to run their business, let alone house two of every animal on earth? Yeah, mayberz.

I mean, look at that thing. Now imagine filling it with 2 of every unclean animal and 7 of every clean animal. I bet you’re finished already!