Acupuncture
Today at work there is a Wellness Fair. I really don’t care about events like that, but since I had so much fun with the homeopath* last year, I figured I’d try it out.
It was pretty dull. None of the tables looked very interesting except the acupuncture table. I had this exchange with the lady working it:
Lady: There is nothing that acupuncture can’t cure.
Me: Really? Nothing?
Lady: Yes. Name something.
Me: Breast cancer.
Lady: Well…combined with herbs and Western Medicine….with something so aggressive..but we know it works.
It made me smile a lot.
*He’s not here today. Did I scare him off?
Stumble it!
January 29th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Lady: Cereal is a healthy breakfast.
Me: Really? Healthy?
Lady: Yes. How is it not?
Me: well, it’s really only empty carbs and stuff.
Lady: Well… combines with fruits and protien like eggs… you know, something healthy… but we know it’s good for you.
For the record, I have had acupuncture performed on me with great results. The indications I suffered included:
1) severe chest cold
2)
January 29th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
It’s a trap. I pushed return to early. Whatevz
January 29th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Ok so this has nothing to do with this post but all those in favour of stringing out this Mike and Lizette’s Travels and Thoughts believe the universe was made from jello thing until they finally get the point say Aye.
They are really starting to get on my nerves with this whole defending Ray’s dishonesty thing that I think they need to be taught a lesson and my friend you have come up with the perfect solution.
Oh and I like the blog by the way, some good stuff on here.
January 29th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
AYE! I only thought of the method. Beams supplied the raw materials.
They really really have some serious cognitive dissonance going on. I can’t think of any other way to get them to understand what they’re actually saying. Was it you that came up with the 2+2=7 analogy? I don’t think it can get any clearer than that.
And thanks! I’ve been sans ideas lately…did you see any Three Ninjas stuff?
January 29th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I think Mike and Lizette need to remove “Thoughts” from their username, and change it to “Mike and Lizettes Travels and Great Posts, Ray!”
January 29th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I liked this play so much, I wanted to post it here, too.
Dinosaur Goes on Vacation
*A play in three acts*
by Admiral Akbar
ACT1
[500 years ago]
Dinosaur: man, I was thinking the other day about things we might have 500 years from now.
Admiral Akbar: Really?
Dinosaur: yeah.
Admiral Akbar: Like what?
Dinosaur: Like television, radio, GPS, instant communication via a wireless telephone.
Admiral Akbar: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHATHAT’SSODUMB!
Dinosaur: hey, why you mockin’ me like that?!
Admiral Akbar: We have that stuff already. We’ve had that stuff since Flintstone times.
Dinosaur: I guess so. But mark my words - 500 years from now, we won’t have to use Dinosaur versions of these things! Machines will do it for us!
Admiral Akbar: yeah, right. And in 500 years you’ll be extinct. PAH-LEEZE. Now move to the right, my Dinosaur-TV Antennae!
Dinosaur: No way. Today is my day off. I’m goin’ on vacation!
Admiral Akbar: OH SNAP!
Dinosaur [grabbing his bindle]: I’M ON MY WAY!
ACT 2
[250 years ago, in Richard Dawkin’s Hot Air Balloon]
Dinosaur: rawr
Richard Dawkins (seethingly british): rawr, indeed.
Dinosaur: that’s a lot of long island ice teas, Mr. Dawkins
Richard Dawkins (seethingly british): I do what I like.
Dinosaur: I can dig
Richard Dawkins (seethingly british): Where’s your strange Admiral friend?
Dinosaur: Oh, about 250 years ago. I’m on vacation without him.
Richard Dawkins (seethingly british): I see. So. What are you doing in my BALLLOOOOOOOOON?
Dinosaur: You are pretty drunk. Don’t you remember picking me up? I said I was on Vacation, looking for a good hotel, and you said you knew where a good hotel lobby was. Then you scooped me up in your balloon, insisted it was a hotel bar, and got very, very, drunk. I’ve been asking you to put be back down on the ground since about 10 years ago.
Richard Dawkins (seethingly british): INGRATE! GET OUT OF MY BALLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! [Dawkins pushes Dinosaur out of the balloon]
Dinosaur (falling): OOOOOOOOOh SNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
Act 3
[Yesterday]
William Techumsa Sherman: Taft, my dear fellow. I’m currently thinking of a way to engage in TOTAL WAR.
William Howard Taft: Indeed, Sherman, Nary a day goes by that you are not. However, I am lodged in this buggy due to my extreme gurth. Perhaps I could trouble you to employ the use of the Taft-horn to uproot or dislodge me from this oversized baby-carrying device?
William Techumsa Sherman: But of course. After which, however, I feel we should dub this vehicle the “Taft-mobile”, and use it in an organized program of destruction. I intend to hold aloft excalibur whilst slaughtering the American Dream for the sake of All Americans.
William Howard Taft [being freed from the “Taft-Mobile”]: Dear me, Sherman! Destroy the American Dream? Whatever for?
William Techumsa Sherman: To replace it with THE AMERICAN REALITY. COME TAFT! TO FREEDOM!
Dinosaur [landing safely on Taft’s gurth]: oh snap. Thanks man! Rawr.
William Howard Taft: Mention it not, my fair Dyronicus.
Dinosaur: huh? oh. wow. It’s you guys. Um, I have to go. Admiral Akbar is probably mad it’s been 500 years since he’s watched his ’stories’.
January 29th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I gotta say, AA, you continue to top yourself.
January 30th, 2009 at 10:25 am
I can clean stains with acupuncture…when combined with stain cleaners and sponges and such…it’s complicated. Nevertheless, acupuncture can do anything.
January 30th, 2009 at 11:00 am
See, again, the problem with these people you engage with, Jason, is not that their ideas are completely unfounded, just that they make outrageous claims regarding the abilities and effects of their ideas, with a total unfaltering faith.
Acupuncture could do some wonderful, legitimately effective things, if used appropriately. It cannot, however, “cure everything”.
Ray Comfort COULD do some wonderful, legitimately effective things, if he wasn’t so indescribably awful. He cannot, however, “cure everything”.
February 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Jason, I miss you already and this was the quickest venue to express it. JSYK.
February 3rd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Did you get my text message?
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Yes, I did!