www.jeffthefish.com

You are probably all aware that Brad Ives of Schaumburg, IL, is not very good at writing effective emails. What you probably also know is that he is also not very good at making love effectively, though once again I can tell he means well. Since Valentine’s Day was last Thursday, I thought I should probably provide my readers with some tips for effective lovemaking.

Elements of an Effective Lovemaker

1. Doesn’t care about getting it right. This may sound counter-intuitive, but if you’ve ever stopped caring about how well you make love, you know firsthand that it’s not easy. Sometimes the right thing to do is to just give up altogether.
2. Yells in frustration. The appropriate way to express frustration or anger during lovemaking is to yell.
3. blah blah blah. I need a water or a gin.
4. Puts the other person first. Unlike my other tips, this one may sound a bit unconventional. The problem is, it works. If you put the other person first, they will like you more, and you will have at least one friend.
5. Watches old TV sitcoms. Nothing makes lovemaking effective and powerful like a laugh track in the background, or the sound of a crowd going crazy when a star enters the stage for the first time that episode. If you watch these shows on DVD, you can have that experience five or six times.

Well, that’s it. I hope some of you take this to heart and really apply what I’ve suggested into your heart. I just want you to have the best (I just stopped caring).

Stumble it!

Posted on Friday, February 22nd, 2008 in Category Funs. Please comment, ok?