www.jeffthefish.com

I’m really sorry I’ve been writing so many ranty anti-Creationist things lately. This website is supposed to be funny and lighthearted, but COME ON! These people are asking for it!!

I just sent this email to Answers in Genesis:

This regards Ken Ham’s recent blog entry entitled “Musuem [sic] Opens Eyes to Need for Christ“, specifically the letter from a concerned parent in the second half of this post.

This has to be the most ignorant thing I’ve read on this website in a long time, and I have read many ignorant things on this website. This parent actually believes the lies you are perpetrating about the racist implications of Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. To say that his theory encourages racism, and that the concept of races “persists today…at the highest and most respected levels of the evolutionary scientific establishment” is ridiculous. Don’t you people know that genetic evidence (you know, from science? oh, right.) shows that there is no genetic basis for race?

I guess I should congratulate your organization for so successfully infiltrating logic, but it still bothers me that you’re ruining society and Christianity.

Jason J Brunet
“Compromised” Christian
www.jeffthefish.com

Today I brought my pet rat, Gatwo to work.  She is a darling and a teenerz pumpkin.  I love her.

It’s a lot of excitement for a baby rat.  This is her first trip outside my apartment since she was born in August!

It looks awesome!

You may not have heard about Amphibian Ark yet.  Its goal is to start breeding programs for endangered amphibians, which are dangerously in danger of extinction.  They have declared 2008 The Year of the Frog, and naturally, today, Leap Day, is International Day of the Frog.

I feel pretty strongly about this project.  I think it’s a wonderful idea and plan to support them monetarily throughout the year, and encourage anyone who cares about our non-amniote cousins to do the same.

Here is a reprint of an email I recieved yesterday from Amphibian Ark:

Thank you for recently adding your name to the thousands around the world urging our governments to take actions to save amphibians. I don’t need to tell you that frogs, salamanders, and other amphibians are facing the most significant mass extinction since the dinosaurs. 

I’m Jean-Michel Cousteau, and I am writing to you on behalf of Amphibian Ark, the global nonprofit organization that is coordinating the emergency rescue of the most threatened amphibian species. I am joining Sir David Attenborough, Jeff Corwin, and thousands of zoos, aquaria, and conservation organizations, to support Amphibian Ark in rallying our planet to avert this mass extinction.

I write this to you on the eve of Feb. 29, 2008, which is called Leap Day in the United States and, in this special “Year of the Frog”, is being call the International Day of the Frog. 

Our collective success will come down to the money that is raised – from companies, and governments, and individuals like you and me. I am heartened at hearing stories of grade school children asking their birthday party guests to make donations to Amphibian Ark in lieu of a gift; and a British Isles couple that asked for donations to Amphibian Ark instead of wedding presents.

This indeed is a cause where small donations can add up to the saving of an endangered species. The physical plan for rescuing the most critically endangered amphibians species involves purchasing trailers and equipping them to be breeding centers, and training people to oversee the species’ return to populations of critical mass. The cost of saving a species under this plan is $100,000 – compared to other wildlife rescue, this is an amazingly efficient plan. 

You are among the thousands who are the first to “jump in” to the amphibian issue. We are counting on you to multiply this number. Here’s what I am asking you to consider: 

•           Forward this email to 10 people you respect and will thoughtfully consider joining us on what may be considered, years from now, the greatest wildlife “save” in history. Ask them to visit www.amphibianark.org, learn more about the pending crisis, and join you in signing the petition.

•           Keep informed of local conservation and education efforts in your area regarding this crisis. Zoos across the world are holding special educational events tomorrow, and throughout the year.

•           Write your government representative to urge him or her to look into this issue, confer with local zoos and conservation departments, and do all that can be done to save this class of animal life.

•           Make a donation, large or small, to Amphibian Ark through its Web site (www.amphibianark.org). Or mail a check to the address at the bottom. 

Frogs are a crucial part of the ecosystem, and they act as indicators to the environment’s health. These remarkable creatures may hold the key to unlocking certain diseases such as depression, stroke, seizures, Alzheimer’s, and cancer. It is imperative that we preserve these creatures for ourselves and our future generations. 

Thank you for being a part of the solution. Through an active dialogue we can generate awareness and education about this issue. Visit www.amphibianark.org for donation and sponsorship information. 

Sincerely, 

Jean-Michel Cousteau

P.S. The Amphibian Ark mailing address is:

Amphibian Ark
c/o IUCN/SSC Conservation Breeding Specialist Group
12101 Johnny Cake Ridge Road
Apple Valley, MN 55124, USA
(952)997-9800 / fax: (952)997-9803
www.amphibianark.org

Good day to all of you.

The jokes write themselves.

On a more infuriating note, check out the third photo, the first one showing Ken Ham and Bello.  Notice that on the left you can see an aquarium, with what appears to be a Florida gar and a Firemouth Cichlid inside.  THIS CANNOT BE TOLERATED.  It’s bad enough to defile dinosaurs by putting them in the Creation Museum.  They’ve been dead for 65 million years.  But gars and cichlids are alive today!  This is so offensive!  I wonder what else is in that tank.

This was posted on Pharyngula:

Edit: the guy’s name is Dallas Ellis, and here is the website of the church he pastors (you knew he was a pastor from the moment he opened his mouth, didn’t you?). I’m going to subscribe to his podcast, because I am a masochist.

And check out this guy’s response:

I really wanna hang out with that guy now.

My boss and several of the other managers just called me into a conference room to tell me that no one likes me.

This morning I read on Ugly Overload about a new species of tiny salamander recently discovered in Costa Rica.  At only one inch long, surely,  I thought to myself, this must be the smallest tetrapod (four limbed vertebrate [this includes whales and birds]) in the world!

This led me on a brief internet search to find out  if I was right.  Turns out, there are several species of frog that are even teenier!!! The smallest tetrapod in the world is the Brazilian Gold Frog, Brachycephalus didactylus [wiki], only 9.8mm long!

Now you know, etc.

Yesterday I got an envelope in the mail from my homeopath. The moment I’d been waiting weeks for: what substance did he send me?

Inside the envelope were two packets labeled “Ambra Grisea 200x”.

Yes. Ambergris. A perfumy substance from the digestive tract of the sperm whale. The preparation is definitely suited to my personality. Ambergris can be found floating in the sea, so its harvest doesn’t require the killing of a whale. So even though synthetic ambergris does exist, it’s possible that this is the real thing.

The Ambra Grisea in the envelopes were in a dry grain form, like sugar. Apparently, for homeopathic preparations, the ambergris is diluted with milk sugar, or lactose.

The hand-written instructions said to dissolve the first packet under my tongue 30 minutes before or after eating dinner and brushing my teeth. I chose after. It was hard to get all the little pellets under my tongue though, but I got most of them. The taste was very pleasant. It tasted like an artificial sweetener. I have to take the second dose this afternoon. So far I feel no effects, but I’ll wait it out and see what happens.

You are probably all aware that Brad Ives of Schaumburg, IL, is not very good at writing effective emails. What you probably also know is that he is also not very good at making love effectively, though once again I can tell he means well. Since Valentine’s Day was last Thursday, I thought I should probably provide my readers with some tips for effective lovemaking.

Elements of an Effective Lovemaker

1. Doesn’t care about getting it right. This may sound counter-intuitive, but if you’ve ever stopped caring about how well you make love, you know firsthand that it’s not easy. Sometimes the right thing to do is to just give up altogether.
2. Yells in frustration. The appropriate way to express frustration or anger during lovemaking is to yell.
3. blah blah blah. I need a water or a gin.
4. Puts the other person first. Unlike my other tips, this one may sound a bit unconventional. The problem is, it works. If you put the other person first, they will like you more, and you will have at least one friend.
5. Watches old TV sitcoms. Nothing makes lovemaking effective and powerful like a laugh track in the background, or the sound of a crowd going crazy when a star enters the stage for the first time that episode. If you watch these shows on DVD, you can have that experience five or six times.

Well, that’s it. I hope some of you take this to heart and really apply what I’ve suggested into your heart. I just want you to have the best (I just stopped caring).