www.jeffthefish.com

Seriously. This is from a page on an alumni website where you can nominate graduates for a “wall of fame” page:

Louis was a John Ehret Band member from 1999-2003. He is currently the Executive Sous Chef for Al Copeland Investiments [sic]. He is a graduate of Delgadgo[sic] Comminity[sic] College and is currently attending The University of New Orleans majoring in Business marketing. He is te[sic] longest Chef[sic] to be appointed in the 26 year history of Al Copeland Investiments[sic] history[sic] [Source]

I bet you can guess which undereducated southern state with a creationist governor I’m from. Hint: we have some really long chefs!

Bonus Stupidity: Check out the links on the bottom of the navbar on my high school’s actual site. Only one parent, one student, and one teacher, respectively, get to look at those pages. They didn’t say which parent, student, or teacher, though. I looked at them all though. Sorry Mr. Barass!

Since the Flood was a marine catastrophe, we would expect marine fossils to be dominant in the fossil record. And that is the case. [Source]

The amount of actual Scientific Fact that is in The Bible is staggering.
Such as the dimensions of the Ark. Scientists proved that this boat was almost impossible to capsize, due to its size and shape. They didn’t have the technology back then to actually work this out! [Source]

We praise the Lord this person found a “missing link”—the link to the museum’s website! [Source]

It is the evolutionists/athiests who used the words RANDOM and CHANCE when describing their theories. It is funny how the evolutionists use these words to describe the process of their theories but when a christian uses these words to describe the same things then we are accussed of “ignorance” on the theory. I think that is because when you hear what you believe in from the mouth of another you realize what an absurdity it is and your pride then kicks in and you accuse others of ignorance rather than examining yourself. [Source]

Democritus was born in 460 BC. How did he see atoms so long before Galileo developed the first reliable microscope in 1609 (2,000 years later), and before the advent of the electron microscope in the 1930’s? Also, why to you believe everything you read in history books, and doubt anything written in the Bible? [Source]

…why are the scientific elite so forcefully pushing this one fossil, especially when it so poorly documents the evolution of the key aspect of the transition of fish into land-animals: the transformation of fins to feet? [Source]

Ironically enough, the “members” of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (known as “Pastafarians”), in addition to mocking God himself, are lampooning the Intelligent Design Movement for not identifying a specific deity—that is, leaving open the possibility that a spaghetti monster could be the intelligent designer. [Source]

Christians don’t hide evolution from their children (or shouldn’t)–even in AiG resources we explain what evolutionists believe, but then teach why they are wrong. [Source]

In preparation for my visit to the homeopath, I decided to look into what kinds of homeopathic products are out there. It’s pretty interesting.

When you look at these, keep in mind the basic tenet of homeopathy: The Law of Similars, or “like cures like”. If a substance gives a healthy person fever, it will actually cure a sick person suffering from fever if you dilute it in water, alcohol, or other liquid. The dilutions are usually one part active ingredient per 10^6 to 10^30 parts water.

So here we go. All three were found in the homeopathy sections of LifesVigor.com. I’m not even scratching the surface here.

Coffea Cruda -” a homeopathic remedy to help relieve insomnia, restlessness, and encourage restful sleep…Helps to reduce difficulty falling asleep.”

Ok, it’s coffee. Unroasted coffee. Yup. The 30X means that it’s one part coffee in 10^30 parts water, or one part coffee in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 parts water. First of all, does anyone honestly think this will do anything? Second, why would anyone spend money on this? It’s coffee and water!

Poison Oak/Poison Ivy Relief - “a safe and effective homeopathic remedy to ease the redness, itching and swelling associated with poison oak and poison ivy.”

So guess what this one’s made of! Poison mushroom, nuts, and poison ivy. Highly diluted of course.

Tabacum - “a homeopathic remedy for relieve from headache accompanied by nausea and dizziness, or vomiting.”

Yeah, it’s just tobacco. A very little bit of cigarettes apparently does the opposite of what a lot of cigarettes will do. Seriously, these things make fun of themselves! What do they need me for?

A few weeks ago my company held a “wellness” fair that included not only dentists and eye doctors, but a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a hypnotist, and a homeopath. Of all those pseudosciences, homeopathy scares me the least by far. I had a pleasant conversation with the guy in which I revealed that I do not believe in homeopathy and he revealed that homeopathy cured him of a horrible ear infection. I mentioned that I would try it for free, and he informed me by email the next day that I won a free consultation, which includes the homeopathic remedy. I told him that if he can get rid of my chronic sinusitis, I’d be impressed.

I do not expect to be impressed.

The appointment is on February 3rd. I’ll let you know how it goes. I think this will be an interesting experience.

And for those not familiar with homeopathy, I think James Randi explains it best:

I wonder if I have enough readers to ask questions and get responses. I will try!

The other day in the laundry room of my apartment building, I found a gift bag containing a large bag of blood, like you would find in a hospital, and a catheter attached to a bag of brown liquid. It was pretty creepy, and I told the manager right away. We couldn’t figure out where this might have come from.

How does a person end up leaving the hospital with this sort of thing? I didn’t realize it was ok to walk out with bags of blood. I say a Mob Doctor, or as I call them, Moctor, is responsible.

So I noticed this keychain digital camera in the grocery store the other day.

I found it very tiny and cute, so I picked it up and inspected the box, which revealed a shocking revelation:

The package contains 1 AAA battery, but it’s not included! How does something like this happen exactly? Steven Wright would be livid.

I made a new Three Ninjas song last night called “Are We Sure?”.  If you have a few moments, please visit the Three Ninjas MySpace page and listen to it!

Unfortunately, it was not very positive or productive. I am the Jason in the comments. As of this moment, Ray has just responded to my first comment:

Ray said: The Bible says that if you doubt God, you call Him a liar (see 1 John 5:10).

But that’s not what that verse says! It says if you don’t believe, not if you doubt. They are NOT the same thing, and belief and doubt are not mutually exclusive.

And I don’t for a second believe that anyone never has doubts about God’s existence.

To which Ray replied:

You have just doubted my word, and called me a liar. Point made.

I can’t even begin to describe how little sense that makes. “None” just doesn’t seem to be a strong enough word. I did reply to this explaining that he actually proved my point, and I’m still waiting to see if it gets approved.

And for the record, I did intentionally imply that Ray was lying in my first post, foolishly not expecting him to ignore the substance of my argument.  Even though that’s his job.  Why am I so blind?

Remeber how I did that thing with Noah’s ark and then math showed up and won? Obviously, I just made up some numbers to illustrate my point. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But what if I had turned around and said that since we know animals have been around around for at least 500 million years, we should now have X number of species by now? I’d have sounded like a real live douche.

Monty White, director of Answers in Genesis UK, did exactly that with numbers he made up to make creationism sound plausible.  And predictably, math stepped in and killed Monty White (math won).

Good job, Bing! What a team we’d make.

The third and final installment in an ongoing series of recycled content.

07-24-04
I was either Spider-Man, or some other superhero who had lost his own costume and was using Spider-Man’s. But I’m pretty sure I was Spider-Man. Either way, I had breasts. I met up with my friend Batman who had lost all of his equipment save for one costume. We went into a house to put our costumes on under our clothes and prepare ourselves to go out in public. I put my Spider-Man costume on, and over that a pair of slacks and a white short-sleeve dress shirt and tie. Batman came over and put my mask on my head inside-out and said, “There, be Spider-Girl since you have breasts!” It kinda made me dizzy since the lenses were backwards, so I put it on the right way. Batman put his costume on under his street clothes (don’t ask me how!) and we went on our way. My wife said to me that I kinda looked stupid wearing a shirt and tie with my mask on, so I took it off. I looked down at my shirt and noticed that it was fairly thin and see-through! I asked Batman and Jennifer if it was noticeable, and Jennifer said, “not really, and even if someone does see it, it’ll just look like a bunch of fives.”

—

10-11-04
I was Spider-Man and I was helping Captain America and some other hero fight this huge villain called Juggernaut. He wasn’t the same Juggernaut that the X-Men fight, he was just a regular (bald) guy who got really big and strong and wore a clear plastic dome over his head. He was very powerful and couldn’t be hurt very easily. So after we heroes got punched around a good bit, I came up with an idea: we needed to chain him up! So I said, “I saw some chains in someone’s yard on my way here.” I swung over there on my webs, followed shortly after by Captain America and the other guy. As we were gathering the chains, the owners of the house came home and entered the back yard. It was an old black couple. The man said, “What’s going on…..Hey, Spider-Man!” He was very happy to see us. By this time, Juggernaut was gone, so I got out of costume and was walking down the street. I passed a guy I recognized as Juggernaut, but he was just regular man size. I decided to joke around with him and see if I could get any information out of him.
I said, “Hey, you’re that Juggernaut guy!”
And he said, “Yeah, I was just fighting some superheroes.”
“Oh really,” I said. “Which ones?”
“Umm….Captain America…”
“That guy’s an idiot! Was Spider-Man there?” I asked.
“Yeah, he was,” said Juggernaut.
“I can’t stand that guy! You know who I think he is? Bill Cosby. I think Spider-Man is Bill Cosby.”
Juggernaut looked thoughtful for a moment and said, “Yeah, he does remind me of Bill Cosby.”

—

11-04-04
Robin, as in Batman and Robin, was Spider-Man’s partner. Dr. Octopus was on the rampage, and Robin was the only one available to fight him. Robin also had mechanical octopus arms, though they were not as powerful as Doc Ock’s, and I think Robin may have only had two. Robin was at Aunt May’s house when Doc Ock came creeping around with the intention of murdering everyone inside. Robin came to the defense of the home. The fight was incredibly gruesome, though I can’t remember many of the details. At one point, Doc Ock picked up Robin and threw him so far away that he landed in a desert. Doc Ock leaped after him, and soon they were falling into a hole in the desert ground. Robin was clawing at the edge of the hole in an attempt to keep from falling to his death, and somehow Doc Ock was hanging on to Robin from below, trying to pull him down. Something dramatic happened, and Robin was able to crawl out of the hole. His mechanical arms were mostly severed from his body, and they were hanging by bloody bits of flesh. Entangled in this mess was Doc Ock’s severed head. Meanwhile, Doc Ock’s arms themselves were so angry that their owner had been killed that they ran back to Aunt May’s house in a fury, stormed into the house and started trashing the place. They picked up Aunt May and threw her down, possibly killing her. All the while, Spider-Man was sitting in the yard making flowers out of his webs, oblivious to the carnage. Something, though, made his spider sense go off. He almost ignored it, but decided he’d better check to see if something was wrong. He swung to the porch of the house, where he met the arms, which had somehow grown their own human head. The head was of a bearded, balding, middle aged man. It was yelling in unfettered rage at Spider-Man, and its voice sounded very computerized.