Seven Predictions for 2008
While most websites and news outlets are busy preparing their predictions for the year 2007, I’m going to go out on a limb and predict what will take place in a year that hasn’t happened yet: 2008. It makes no sense to make predictions for 2007, because they already happened already. It’s even worse when their predictions are wrong. I mean what the hell, right? Anyone should know that.
- Hanging out will be more extreme than ever. It’s true. I’ve been watching the trends, analyzing traffic, and as far as anyone can tell, people in 2008 will be hanging out almost to the max.
- People who use Ctrl+V will be as cool as possible. It’s practically undeniable. My research predicts that people who use the keyboard shortcut Ctrl+V instead of right clicking and hitting “paste” will asymptotically approach the theoretical maximum amount of coolness, and not back down until around March of 2009.
- Christmas sea lions will become regular sea lions. The first two were practically givens. Now let me go out on a limb. In the wake of the revelation that Christmas sea lions are just like regular sea lions, I’m here to tell you that today’s Christmas sea lions will actually become tomorrow’s regular sea lions. Mark my words.
- Skateboards will become sentient. See? There really is hope for the future…The future of awesome!
- Sunglasses will be the new cool. In world where skateboards are sentient and sunglasses are the new cool, what could possibly go wrong? I’ll tell you: not much.
- Pope John Paul II will finally become Space Pope John Paul II. If you google “Space Pope John Paul II”, the first three pages of results will consist mostly of denialist websites, but so far every argument against this that I’ve read has consisted of easily debunked pseudo-science. It’s like these people don’t even try to be right!
- The possible return of dinosaurs. I’ve predicted this every year for the past two years, but I guarantee that in 2008 it will for real happen! No one knows exactly how, but most scientists agree that it’s an almost inevitable side effect of global warming.
Well, check back in a year, and let’s see how I did!
Stumble it!
December 31st, 2007 at 3:23 pm
You failed to mention my name. I am Voltron, Defender of the Universe!
December 31st, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Think about it. If you’re defender of the universe, you’re the defender of everything. And if you’re the defender of everything, you’re the defender of nothing.