Tips For Writing an Effective Email
Most people, such as loyal reader Brad Ives from Schaumburg, IL, are not very good at writing effective emails. Brad writes me several emails a month, and while I can tell he means well, he’s not very smart or effective. Therefore, I came up with some “tips” to help him improve his skills, and decided that since it’s the The Holidays I’d share them with all of you!
Elements of an Effective Email
1. Only mentions dinosaurs once. Overmention of dinosaurs is probably the most common mistake. Even after it’s pointed out to them, many people still don’t realize why mentioning dinosaurs more than once is a serious mistake. The answer is simple: you don’t want to give yourself away.
2. Stands up to scrutiny. I think this one is self-evident, but it’s very important that any email you write be good enough to take some jabs. The best way to do this is, as you type, to think to yourself, “This simply must be awesome!”
3. Doesn’t give a fuck. I know most grown ups are offended by the this kind of language, but sorry. This article does not even care or think twice. Your bad! See how effective that is?
4. Will kill you and not feel guilty. It’s important to think of an email as a sort of lion or even a mom. This item goes hand in hand with number three. An easy to remember rule of thumb is that if you will miss the person when they are gone, don’t write them an effective email.
5. Mans up regularly. This item, more than any of the others, is the most important one on this list. No, I’m serious. Before writing an effective email, try watching sports, or sportsing out, or wearing a shirt with the name of a sport on it and maybe a check or swoosh. Hopefully, if you’ve done it right, this manness with transfer itself onto your email.
So there you go. I’m really serious about this, and I hope you take this to heart. I’ll be waiting eagerly for Brad’s next email, so it better be effective! And please, feel free to practice this by writing some effective comments. I’ll be happy to give you some pointers.
Stumble it!
December 6th, 2007 at 9:47 am
How F’d up was that? (sports)
Hope you are around in 30 years since the dinosaurs aren’t (token) (Don’t give a Fuck ~a little~)
GO Jason GO!!
Nice work, you always make me either smile or shake my head :)
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:56 am
[…] are probably all aware that Brad Ives of Schaumburg, IL, is not very good at writing effective emails. What you probably also know is that he is also not very good at making love effectively, though […]