Archive for November, 2007

Urgent Salmon Update!!

Monday, November 19th, 2007

My friend Kevin read about my recent salmon adventure and had a SHOCKING something magical thing to add to my already unrelivable account:

 [07:39] Kevin: You went to Saltwater? I can walk to that park!
[07:39] me: Then do it…instead of just bragging about it.
[07:40] Kevin: I have and I’ve never seen any seals out there…just ducks and gulls and clams.
[07:40] me: That was my next, and first, question.
[07:40] me: Why would someone tell me that there are seals there?
[07:40] me: Who would lie about that?
[07:40] Kevin: Evil?
[07:40] me: Yes.
[07:41] Kevin: I feel sorry for that salmon because there isn’t anything upstream worth swimming to. That creek runs through my apartment complex and it just gets worse.
[07:42] Kevin: A very large tree fell across the creek a few years ago and the water is a bit polluted because of stupid people and the Hwy 99 construction.
[07:42] me: :-(
[07:42] me: Are there other salmon that swim up it?
[07:43] Kevin: Not that I’ve ever seen but I haven’t been down there in a while so who knows…the last big animal that wandered through there was a bear this summer. It was on the news.
[07:43] me: Does the stream have a name?
[07:43] Kevin: Damn…it does but it’s name escapes me at the moment.
[07:44] me: Can I put this on my website in a post entitled “Urgent Salmon Update”?
[07:44] Kevin: Sure.
[07:44] me: OK.  Let’s start using proper punctuation and capilization.
[07:44] Kevin: Very well.

….

[07:48] Kevin: Ah! The creek is named McSorley.

….

[07:53] me: One more thing…what was the name of that salmon?
[07:54] Kevin: I’m sorry?
[07:54] me: The salmon in my video.  Do you know its name?
[07:54] Kevin: Never saw that salmon before in my lifetime.
[07:54] me: OK, just checking.

Thanks Kevin!  I feel so much better!

The World’s Worst Salmon

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

Last week my wife and I went to Saltwater State Park on the coast of Puget Sound, just south of Seattle.  I was told that seals live there, but I did not see any.  Mother effer.  There wasn’t much to the park itself either, BUT!!!!  There was a stream coming out of the woods, flowing into the sound, and in this stream we saw a salmon struggling to swim upstream.  It’s a little late in the year for salmon to be spawning, so I am guessing that this one has missed his chance.  He looked pretty beat up and weak as it is, so it’s possible that he had been trying to swim upstream but couldn’t make it, and got washed back down almost back into the Sound, refusing to give up.  Whatever his story, I felt incredibly fortunate to be able to witness this.

Please ignore my dumb jokes.

Noah’s Ark vs. Math. Math Kills Noah’s Ark (Math Wins).

Friday, November 16th, 2007

According to Creationists, all the animals alive today are descended from the pairs of animals Noah brought onto the Ark before The Flood which supposedly happened 4,000 years ago. According to the first creation story in Genesis, animals were created by God according to their own “kind”. Noah was instructed by God to bring animals of each kind onto the ark, and the term kind still plays a big part in Creationist thinking today. The problem is that no one seems to know what a kind is.

Does it simply mean species? That would seem to me to be the most obvious and easy answer, except there’s no way that all the species of multicellular land organisms could fit onto Noah’s Ark. It must be something taxonomically higher. There are still too many genera of extant animals to fit into an Ark, so that’s ruled out. Could it possibly be roughly analagous to families of animals?

I have heard Creationists speculate something similar. Cats are of one kind; bears are of one kind; equines are of one kind. Those categories do correspond to taxonomic families: Felidae, Ursidae, and Equidae. The different species of bear we have today descended from one species of bear, but they are all still part of the created kind “bear”. This is what Creationists call “microevolution”, which they readily accept. What they oppose is the concept of “macroevolution”, which would be one created kind transitioning into another: Artiodactyls into Cetaceans, or dinosaurs into birds.

So I decided to conduct a thought experiment to actually quantify the implications of this. For the sake of simplicity, I am only including mammals in this exercise.

According to Mammal Species of the World there exist today 5,400 mammal species in 153 familes. If the created kind is analogous to the taxonomic family, then Noah would have brought 153 pairs of mammals onto the ark, which afterwards diversified, via microevolution, a concept undeniable even to Creationists, into the 5,400 extant species. Since The Flood supposedly occurred 4,000 years ago, this would have had to happen very quickly.

In fact, according to some simple division, there would have had to be an average of 1.31 new mammal species arising every year! Wow! Microevolution is exponentially faster than macroevolution!

Except, waitaminnitwhat??? One of the most repeated “arguments” Creationists use is that if evolution really happened, surely someone, somewhere, in all of human history would have witnessed it! Aside from the fact that we actually have witnessed it, both directly in bacteria, and indirectly through the fossil record, what about the ridiculous amount of microevolution that would have needed to occur since the Noahic Flood to account for the current amount of mammalian diversity? Surely someone, somewhere, in all of human history would have witnessed it. I mean, it happened 5,247 times in 4,000 years, and that’s completely ignoring the ridiculous amount of diversity found in birds, arthropods, amphibians, and reptiles. If that many new mammal species have arisen within the time span of recorded history, there would be a record of it.

So here’s the bottom line: If the created kind corresponds to anything lower than a family, there is simply no way representatives could of each kind could fit onto one boat. If the created kind corresponds to the taxonomic family or anything higher, there is simply no way to account for the current biodiversity we see in the natural world. There is no way the Genesis account of the Noahic Flood could have literally happened.

Sources:
http://www.answersingenesis.org/creation/v22/i3/ligers_wolphins.asp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammal
http://www.trueorigin.org/glossary.asp

Also special thanks to Ann K. and Jeremy B.

Why Do These People Hate Jesus So Much?

Friday, November 16th, 2007

It’s The Victory Truck!

Seriously, this has to be the Jesus equivalent of dressing up a cat in a ridiculous costume.  Do they really think they’re helping anything by selling crap like this?  Are are they just out to make a buck at the expense of dumb fundamentalists? These people give Christianity a bad name, and provide easy targets for its opponents.  And, well, for everyone else too.

Everything else on that website is horrible too.

Authentic Filipino Food

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

[12:20] Filipino Friend: one of these days, i would like to cook a VERY authentic Filipino food.
[12:20] Filipino Friend: one you can only eat from the phils
[12:20] Filipino Friend: i found the ingredients at HT Market
[12:20] Filipino Friend: i was sooo surprised!
[12:20] me: listen
[12:20] me: if you found the ingredients in the US, then it’s not a meal you can only eat in the Philippines.
[12:20] me: sorry to break it to you.
[12:20] Filipino Friend: damn
[12:20] Filipino Friend: you should break it to me gently.

Did I Mention That Creationists Lie?

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

Cause yeah, they do.  Just an FYI.

OH GOOD GOD REAL MEN MAKE ME VOMIT

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Editor’s Note: This is the dumbest thing on this website. Please read some of the other stuff before you leave.  Like this, maybe. That way you didn’t waste your stumble.

I normally don’t comment on stuff other people have written because I’m scared they’ll contact me and fuss at me, but I found something that is too hilarious / non-threatening to pass up. Apparently there is a man named Kim du Toit who is really into being a man, which is weird to me. Here’s why he bothers having a website:

“But most of all, I do this website because I love being a man. Amongst other things, I talk about guns, self-defense, politics, beautiful women, sports, warfare, hunting, and power tools—all the things that being a man entails.”

First of all, WTF??? Second of all, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

This essay is FULL of stuff like that. Sure, it’s nothing new, but it’s so wonderfully / horribly put that it ends up being kind of novel. He pretty much sums up why I try not to be social. There are too many Kim du Toits in this world, and I would much rather not have to talk to them. Hey, if you want to be like that, it’s fine, it’s your right, Jesus loves you, etc., but please don’t talk to me. What the hell would we talk about anyway? These are the kinds of conversation we’d have:

Real Man: Uh….are you ok? Why are you staring at that plant/fish/chelicerate/rock?
Me: What do you mean why? Just look at it!
Real Man: So, sport scores, huh?
Me: Oh, I don’t watch sports. I’m intelligent.

And that wouldn’t end well.

So yeah, I don’t like that kind of “real” man stuff. I’ve got a dick. I’m used to it, so it doesn’t excite me all that much. A lot of what he says is actually prohibited by my religious beliefs, so there’s that too. There is so much more to life than “guns, self-defense, politics, beautiful women, sports, warfare, hunting, and power tools” that even thinking about those things for a few minutes every week will seriously cause the average quality of my thought life to trend downward. And that, most of all, is why I do this website. There are better things to be about.

Fools Play Improv

Friday, November 9th, 2007

I took this video of my good friends Fools Play Improv in Olympia, WA. They’re a hilarious improv comedy troupe. This video consists of Michael Tanner The Green Fool and Jake Ynzunza the Pink Fool talking about how to stay healthy during cold and flu season. Enjoy!


For more on Fools Play, please visit www.foolsplay.net.

New Cetacean Species (or, Who Cares About Peccaries?)

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

This morning Mathias told me that he’d heard about two new species of cetacean, which naturally caused me to flip the hell out.  I tried searching online for any info, with very little success.  I easily found information about a new species of peccary.  Actually, there were a lot of articles about that peccary.  But who cares?  Peccaries have four legs.  Big deal.  So do most mammals.

I have to wonder what this world is coming to when the only website to care enough about this is Cryptomundo.  But, sure enough, that was the only place I could find information about two possibly new cetacean species:  a dwarf orca in the Antarctic, and a beaked whale.

I’ve actually been excited about the prospects of new orca species for some time.  They are a great example of evolution happening as we speak.

So, thanks, Cryptomundo!

Cursive Numbers

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

Yesterday someone actually found this website via Google! But I don’t think they found what they were looking for, since Google hasn’t crawled my site since I upgraded it on November 2. The search term they used was “cursive numbers”. In case anyone else wants to see what I have to say about cursive numbers, here it is right here, from February 27, 2007:

When I was a child, I invented a system of cursive numbers, but my grandmother got angry at me, saying, “There’s no such thing as cursive numbers!”

I really wish that I’d kept a copy of my cursive number system.  I don’t remember if I threw it out after that encounter with my grandmother.  At least I know I’m not the only person who thinks about cursive numbers, even though there’s no such thing.  Anyone should know that.

You can see the rest of the old blog posts here.