www.jeffthefish.com

Geez, I sleep till like 6am and I can’t talk because my mouth is dry
After a night of partying, my mouth is STILL dry!
I may not be much, but I’m boring.
HALP?

You can’t cook on a gas stove if the pilot light is out
I promise to sell my weapons, even if the power goes out during your favorite song

[12:59] Filipino Friend: can we go to starbucks?
[12:59] Filipino Friend: i need a fresh air..
[13:00] me: in a minute.
[13:00] Filipino Friend: ok
[13:00] Filipino Friend: like now?
[13:00] me: one minute?
[13:00] Filipino Friend: kk
[13:00] me: suggest an 80’s song
[13:00] Filipino Friend: she works hard for her money
[13:00] Filipino Friend: so you better treat her right
[13:01] Filipino Friend: ok now?
[13:01] me: ach, ok.
[13:01] Filipino Friend: NOQ
[13:01] Filipino Friend: NOW

Epilogue:  We walk into Starbucks, and Filipino Friend says I can get in line ahead of her. “I’m not ordering anything,” I say.  “Wh…..I’m not ordering anything either!” she says.  A normal lady stands behind us, looking on.

Maybe you’re wondering
where your house is
Maybe you’re wondering
where your wife is
Maybe you don’t know
where the hell you at

Time will pass on its own
Water something something
Time will pass on its own
Water something else

I guess it never changed
I guess it never changed
I guess it never changed
I guess it never changed
I guess it never changed
I guess it never changed
Sorry I groped you

This is a remix of an old post.  Yes, I’m a loser.  I ran out of ideas!  But really, a lot of sciency people have been visiting this site lately, and I wanted to make absolutely certain they see this.

A few months ago, I created a tree of life-style diagram of all the vertebrate species I own.  It’s somewhat out of date now, but it’s still cool.  Click the McThumbersons:

 I still have all the Polypterids, plus one more, and the Corydoras (Corydorids?) have changed a bit.  And there has been some turnover in the Muridae department, but they are still as cute as ever.

Nerd out, ladies!!  Please?

Here comes the first in what I hope to be an ongoing series (Lord knows there’s enough source material). Anyone should know that the comments on YouTube are simultaneously the best and worst thing on the Internet, a modern day symbol of the downfall of literacy and smartness.  It has been my dream to find the worst of them and make them famous.

The first video I want to highlight is of a catfish walking across a living room floor.  Everyone obsessed with fish knows that this a Walking Catfish, Clarias batrachus, so being on the carpet doesn’t hurt it at all.  They regularly leave their ponds and walk to other ponds. In fact, they populated southern Floriday by escaping from a pet shop.

On to the comments!

unless that can brief out of water u are evil

you should kill yourselves you heartless bastards

yeah muther fucker da fish ant gon die its a snke head you dip shit

A fish will calm down after a very short period of time. That is cruel what you did to that creature.

And that, I guess, does it for the first edition of The YouTube Unintentional Comedy Showcase!

It’s official. I guess I’m normal. Oh well. Does anyone care about aquariums? What about aquariums that don’t contain any teleosts? That might be my next project.

I’ve been linked to by a popular blog!  Someone loves me!  Thanks, PZ!  I wasn’t expecting that!

This has been bothering me for a long, long time. Every time I go to my neighborhood QFC I am confronted by the horrible cover of a book called The Meaning of Life on display near the checkout stand:

Now, I’m sure the book itself is ridiculous, but I just cannot get past this cover! I understand the desire to have a picture of a green frog, BUT THIS FROG IS NOT GREEN!!! The frog on the cover is a juvenile Xenopus laevis, the African Clawed Frog. This frog is actually greyish-brown, not green. Anyone should know that. The green was added in post production: Why would they do that?!? There are tons of frogs that are actually green. They could have chosen a picture of any of those, but they decided to go the route that would piss me off. People need to stop!!If you care to learn more about real frog, please check out the excellent series at Tetrapod Zoology. Amen.

As most people know, the second best reason for going to Vancouver, B.C. is the ready availability of ketchup flavored potato chips. It sounds weird to Sheltered White Americans (SWAs), but it’s really quite logical. You put ketchup on your french fries, don’t you? Same thing! It’s like freaking out over the existence of corn ice cream, but blindly accepting the existence of Frosted Flakes.

Welp, yesterday in the office vending machine I found a surprise. Burger King brand (?) Ketchup and Fries Flavored Potato Snacks.

“Has America finally learned the value of the ketchup chip?” I thought to myself. I knew it was a long shot, but I hoped that these “snacks” would be as delicious as the Canadian delicacy.

It wasn’t even close. It tasted like the usual reconstituted potato mix variety of chip, with the slightest hint of ketchup flavoring. At least now you know.

I am so unbelievably sick of people confusing the word “tenet” with “tenant”.  I’m convinced that the people doing this rarely if ever read any kind of book.

Marcus Mareno of San Bruno, CA, has this to say:

I am concerned for the viewer who is not familiar with the major tenants of both sides of the argument. I am only a lay person, but I know enough about the issue to see that a fair hearing in your format is not tolerated.

Things like this hurt credibility, right GUYS???