Top Ten Inside Jokes of 2009

January 4th, 2010

Well, now that that arbitrary (not to mention nondescript) bullshit is over, it’s time to revisit the past year with a top ten list. Just like everyone else. Except I can think for myself, so I’m going to make sure that this top ten list is only relevant to one, maybe two people on Earth. The rest of you just have to trust me on how fucking funny all this crap is, because gawd damn is it hilarious.

10. No jokes.
9. Someone’s getting dicked in the booty.
8. HEY LIZ WHAT ARE YOU DI-DOING LATER
7. With host, Michael Buble
6. Smarter than a lettuce
5. I eat a driffwood and no one unnastan me
4. Patience is key
3. What penguin?
2. Pancake party
1. BARELY. Click.

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Rick Warren and Admiral Akbar Have a Coffee

December 9th, 2009

Admiral Akbar wrote this play for my amusement, because I am a big love for him. And now I share it with all of you!

All of Rick Warren’s dialogue is take from his Twitter.

Rick Warren and Admiral Akbar Have a Coffee

A play in One Act *** By Admiral Akbar

(in a coffee shop)
ADMIRAL AKBAR: Rick?! Rick Warren? Is that YOU?! I thought you hated coffee. What are you doing in a coffee shop?

RICK WARREN: RATIONALIZE= to tell yourself Rational Lies.Trying to convince ur mind it is RIGHT when you know in ur heart it is WRONG.

AA: Well, I guess so. But you don’t have to TRY to like coffee for me to like YOU. I’ll be your friend regardless. You know, till one of us dies or something.

RW: If you guess life ends at death, please consider that Eternity would be a long time to be wrong. I wouldn’t gamble.

AA: I don’t gamble either. Not anymore. Especially since Casinos freak me OUT. Amiright?! OH, did you hear about Dinosaur? He’s an atheist now.

RW: People become atheists because of hurt, then seek intellectual arguments to validate their desire to live without God.

AA: DON’T I KNOW IT. Srrly. Dinosaur can’t wait till God moves out of that apartment. What a shitty roommate! And so passive aggressive – he keeps telling Dinosaur two different things and expecting him to read his mind or something. I wouldn’t live with that kinda shit. I’lltellyourightnow.

RW: If God says 2 things that appear contradictory, both are true.The problem is U trying to fit God into ur theological box.

AA: Ok, two things: 1 – I can’t believe you are taking God’s side on this, and 2. HE DOES FIT. We crammed him in there when he wouldn’t shut up about something… what was it…

RW: Its illogical to believe life could just happen accidentally while insisting a life resurrected from death is impossible.

AA: YEAH! That was it! Anyway, he kept rambling even in that box. REALLY annoying. Srrsly, that guy is nothing to me.

RW: It takes a greater leap of faith to believe nothing created everything.

AA: hahahaha yeah! Good one.

FIN

Hoarders

November 30th, 2009

I guess by now everyone knows that my mother and sister and I were on Hoarders. If you googled my name and found this site, well hey. How are you?

Things I Don’t Like About Donald Prothero

November 5th, 2009

1. Too critical
2. Drinks too much
3. Doesn’t eat enough
4. Sleeps more than I do
5. Is a good teacher
6. Not good at solitaire
7. Writes too many books
8. Grows his own vegetables
9. Not big on Southern values
10. Doesn’t exactly have the highest GWAM I’ve ever seen

Things I Don’t Like About Richard Dawkins

November 5th, 2009

1. Voice is not high-pitched
2. British
3. Wears suits
4. Lives far away
5. Is not good at music
6. Sometimes forgets things
7. Doesn’t always eat breakfast
8. Not a big fan of flying, though he doesn’t quite hate it
9. Owns more VHS than DVDs, and a few laserdiscs
10. Better kisser

Quick (But Urgent) Update

October 29th, 2009

You can type “NatGeo” instead of “National Geographic”, but you can’t say “NatGeo” instead of “National Geographic”.

UFO Book

October 28th, 2009

The first time I visited Roswell, NM, I bought a large book about UFOs from the International UFO Museum gift shop. On the way back to New Orleans, my sister and I spent the night at her friend’s house in Houston. This friend was very fundamentalist, and so was I.

While at her house, I happened to take out the UFO book to read it. She told me that when she saw it, the Holy Spirit showed her that people in the future would try to explain away the Rapture as the work of extraterrestrials, and that therefore I maybe shouldn’t be reading that book, or at least that I should be very careful.

I knew better than this. Of course I would be careful.

Powers

October 21st, 2009

So this post is not about science or being cool, and it’s not funny and there’s no stupid people in it, except, perhaps, for me. I have deliberated on whether or not I should write this, but I figured, what the hell. It’s my blog. I say what I want.

There are a very, very few songs that I actually wish I could live inside of. The only two I can think of right now are El Paso and Feleena (From El Paso) by Marty Robbins. I want to be that cowboy. In a lot of ways I do see myself in those songs, but I want to literally live in that song, not just metaphorically.

Last week I discovered another song that I want to literally live inside of, and it turns out I do literally live inside of it, because I wrote it. The song is called Powers, which everyone who reads this has probably already been forced to listen to. In just two days it became the most played song on my iPod. That is unheard of. Once I start listening to it, I can’t stop. I worked harder on the vocals for this song than I have on any other Three Ninjas song. I actually practiced it. Seriously. Normally I write something down and it’s recorded five minutes later. But I practiced singing Powers over and over and over for three days until my voice got tired. Seriously.

I think the reason that I am so compelled to listen to it over and over is that every line tells so many stories. Powers says everything that I want to say to the Woman I want to say it to, but probably in far fewer words than would be required for anyone not inside my head to actually know what I’m saying. It’s the most honest and frank song I have ever written, and I like the fact that it says “I love you more than anything” without using the actual words. I love, for instance, the idea that I would make all of her wishes come true if I had superpowers, but really, just washing her dishes would be equally as thrilling and make me just as happy. I mean this literally, you know. I had some…issues…washing dishes while I was growing up. I have always hated it. So that is saying a lot more than it seems to if taken at face value.

That’s not even half of what I could say about the first two lines, and just about every line is like that. I could probably write a blog entry about every line in that song, but that would be boring and slightly more self-indulgent than even I care to be. But I guess I should at least include the lyrics:

If I had powers I would make all of your wishes come true
but to be quite honest I’d be thrilled to do your dishes for you
Driving slightly west would solve both of your problems only
you don’t drive so i guess for now we’ll both be lonely
If we had powers we could make all of our wishes come true
but to be quite honest there ain’t much I want that don’t end in you
I cross the desert and I try to see its former glory
and face the fact that I am glad you spoiled nature for me

Last night I dreamed that I helped you move
I washed your car and I taught your class
I fixed the stain you could not remove
and then we drove over Stevens Pass

Look in the eyes of the mountain lion I know
this will never get old as we grow
We’ll have our powers and we’ll have to be strong but you know
this will never get old as we grow
I cross the desert and remember when it was the sea
like it was when you were with me
I cross the desert and I try to see its former glory
and face the fact that I am glad you ruined nature for me

Well, I feel better for having written this down.

Musics Videos

October 19th, 2009

I posted a bunch of musics videos recently all up the internet. Here are some of them!

This is part of a Three Ninjas show at Piecora’s on Capitol Hill last week.

Three Ninjas @ Piecora’s Seattle 10/15/09 Pt. 1 from Jason J Brunet on Vimeo.

Here’s the song How To Stop Being Sad from the same show:

And here’s the song Powers from that same show. It’s a song about a girl. I do those now.

Speaking of Powers, here is a crappy quality video I put together for that song:

And finally, here is me playing The Whole Goddamn Universe in my bedroom. This song is also about a girl. Well, a Woman.

Transitional Pterosaur!

October 14th, 2009

Look! Someone discovered Darwinopterus!

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